Friday, April 10, 2015

Review: Twilight - Stephanie Meyer

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Series: Twilight Saga #1
Genre: YA, paranormal, romance
Published on October 5, 2005
Published by Little, Brown & Co.
Pages: 498
Read From: 2.25.15 - 3.15.15

When Bella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks and meets Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. With his porcelain skin, golden eyes, mesmerizing voice, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed to keep his true identity hidden, but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. 
What Bella doesn't realize is the closer she gets to him, the more she is putting herself and those around her at risk. And it might be too late to turn back. . . .


Dear Twilight,

Despite everything about you - despite the horrendous movie, the terrifying fangirls, the hilarious satire - I actually picked you up with an open mind. I wanted to give you a fighting chance to prove yourself to me. I wanted to let your words speak for you and tell me what sort of book you were. Well, you can probably guess my final opinion. . . .

You introduce us to one of literature's most regrettable protagonists, Bella. Dull as a base coat of paint, as charming and cute as a naked mole-rat, I tried very hard to feel something akin to affection - or even tolerance - towards her, but I couldn't. Her clumsiness was so extreme that she really should have been in a wheelchair, I was annoyed that she liked books, and her sarcasm was as flat as a pancake run over by a semitruck. Positively everything she did made me grind my teeth. Edward is prime material for a future abusive boyfriend. He is patronizing and stalkerish and moody and he chuckled. I don't trust people who chuckle. Jacob was a pathetic pup (no pun intended), the side characters were too chipper or too flat or liked Bella way too much for it to be convincing. I sort of liked Alice and Carlisle, but mostly because their backstories were more interesting than what was happening to Bella.

Bella has just moved from Arizona to Forks, Washington - a place that is too close to home, and I therefore resent you, Twilight, for polluting it with your taint. She makes this decision because her divorced mother is going to Florida, and Bella doesn't want to. She would rather move to a rainy town that she professes to hating. There, we get to follow her boring day-to-day high school schedule and her very suddenly bizarre popularity. Bella meets the "mysterious" Edward Cullen, one of the rich boys who would totally not ever go to Forks High School. She falls madly in love with him, despite his insistence that he's dangerous; in spite of the fact that he stalks her; in spite of all logic, in fact.

Twilight, there are so many issues with you. And also so many missed opportunities. You could have been interesting if you just told someone else's story, rather than an angst-filled teen girl at a boring high school falling in love with a creepy, stalker vampire. You could have told Carlisle's story, or Alice's - anyone else's. You could have been an origin story of the whole Cullen clan! I would have found that ten times more interesting. There was no logic in the Cullens repeating high school over and over, other than to create a high school setting for Bella meeting Edward. Repeating high school would show up on public records. People would question. And the entire world must be asleep for Bella to be the only one who notices that there's something weird about the Cullens, because they don't hide their "otherness" very well at all.

Then there's the big problem that no one cares about what happens to Bella and Edward. No one cares about their silly, angsty, and downright creepy romantic fling. No one cares that Bella is going to have a crisis if Edward leaves. No one cares that Edward has some stupid reason for not turning her into a vampire. No one understands what he sees in Bella, who is literally inept at everything. Edward insists she's special; special-ed, maybe.

And finally, Twilight, you're writing. Atrocious. Truly atrocious. Blocky, repetitive, amateur. We understood the first time that Bella passes out whenever she's near Edward; we get that Edward is unbearably handsome (whatever). We get it!!

I tried, Twilight. I tried to give you a fighting chance. You swung wide and my opinion of you is final.

Feeling sick,

~ Mara ~

Others in the Twilight Saga:
2)New Moon
4)Breaking Dawn


  1. Haha, I love this review!! To be honest I found that it had such a messy plot and it was just down right creepy.
    Naomi @The Perks Of Being A Bookworm

    1. Same here. Probably what killed me most were all of the missed opportunities.

  2. Congratulations on making it through! If you're ever in need of something special, I found the second book worse than the first. ;)

    1. I'm attempting the second book in May. . . .


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